If a girl loves a boy from a far

Commodore Number of posts : 126 Registration date : 2008-10-08

By:
Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Source:
www.islam-qa.com

Islamic Propagation Office in Rabwah, Riyadh
المكتب التعاوني للدعوة وتوعية الجاليات بالربوة بمدينة الرياض

2009-1430

Love

If a girl loves a boy from a far, has she committed a sin?

Praise be to Allah.

Islam came to close the doors that lead to evil and sin, and is keen to block all the means that may lead to corruption of hearts and minds. Love and infatuation between the sexes are among the worst of problems.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/129):

Love is a psychological sickness, and if it grows strong it affects the body, and becomes a physical sickness, either as diseases of the brain, which are said to be diseases caused by waswaas, or diseases of the body such as weakness, emaciation and so on. End quote.
And he (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/132):

Loving a non-mahram woman leads to many negative consequences, the full extent of which is known only to the Lord of people. It is a sickness that affects the religious commitment of the sufferer, then it may also affect his mind and body. End quote.

It is sufficient to note that one of the effects of love of a member of the opposite sex is enslavement of the heart which is held captive to the loved one. So love is a door that leads to humiliation and servility. That is sufficient to put one off this sickness.

Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/185):

If a man is in love with a woman, even if she is permissible for him, his heart remains enslaved to her, and she can control him as she wishes, even though outwardly he appears to be her master, because he is her husband; but in fact he is her prisoner and slave, especially if she is aware of his need and love for her. In that case, she will control him like a harsh and oppressive master controls his abject slave who cannot free himself from him. Rather he is worse off than that, because enslavement of the heart is worse than enslavement of the body. End quote.

Attachment to the opposite sex will not happen to a heart that is filled with love of Allah; it only affects a heart that is empty and weak, so it is able to gain control of it, then when it becomes strong and powerful it is able to defeat the love of Allah and lead the person into shirk. Hence it is said: Love is the action of an empty heart.

If the heart is devoid of the love and remembrance of the Most Merciful, and is a stranger to speaking to Him, it will be filled with love of women, images and listening to music.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/135):

If the heart loves Allah alone and is sincerely devoted to Him, it will not even think of loving anyone else in the first place, let alone falling in love. When a heart falls in love that is due to the lack of love for Allah alone. Hence because Yusuf loved Allah and was sincerely devoted to Him, he did not fall into the trap of love, rather Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual
intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves” [Yusuf
12:24]

As for the wife of al-‘Aziz, she was a mushrik as were her people, hence she fell into this trap. End quote.

The Muslim must save himself from this fate and not fall short in guarding against it and ridding himself of it. If he falls short in that regard and follows the path of love, by continuing to steal haraam glances or listening to haraam things, and being careless in the way he speaks to the opposite sex, etc, then he is affected by love as a result, then he is sinning and will be subject to punishment for his actions.

How many people have been careless at the beginning of this problem, and thought that they were able to rid themselves of it whenever they wanted, or that they could stop at a certain limit and not go any further, until the sickness took a strong hold and no doctor or remedy could help?

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (147):

If the cause happens by his choice, he has no excuse for the consequences that are beyond his control, but if the reason is haraam, the drunkard had no excuse. Undoubtedly following one glance with another and allowing oneself to keep thinking about the person is like drinking intoxicants: he is to be blamed for the cause. End quote.

If a person strives to keep away from the things that lead to this serious sickness, by lowering his gaze and not looking at haraam things, not listening to haraam things, and averting the passing thoughts that the shaytaan casts into his mind, then after that something of the evils of this sickness befalls him because of a passing glance or a transaction that is basically permissible, and his heart becomes attached to a woman, there is no sin on him for that Insha Allah, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope” [al-Baqarah 2:286]
Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (11/10):

If that does not result from carelessness or transgression on his part,
then there is no sin on him for what befalls him. End quote.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (147):

If love occurs for a reason that is not haraam, the person is not to be
blamed, such as one who loved his wife or slave woman, then he separated from her but the love remained and did not leave him. He is not to be blamed for that. Similarly if there was a sudden glance then he averted his gaze, but love took hold of his heart without him
meaning it to, he must, however, ward it off and resist it. End quote.

But he must treat his heart by putting a stop to the effects of this love, and by filling his heart with love of Allah and seeking His help in that. He should not feel too shy to consult intelligent and trustworthy people for advice or consult some doctors and psychologists, because he may find some remedy with them. In doing that he must be patient, seek reward, remain chaste and keep quiet, and Allah will decree reward for him Insha Allah.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/133):

If he is tested with love but he remains chaste and is patient, then he
will be rewarded for fearing Allah. It is known from shar’i evidence that if a person remains chaste and avoids haraam things in looking,
word and deeds, and he keeps quiet about it and does not speak of it,
so that there will be haraam talk about that, whether by complaining to another person or committing evil openly, or pursuing the beloved one in any way, and he is patient in obeying Allah and avoiding sin,
despite the pain of love that he feels in his heart, just as one who is
afflicted with a calamity bears the pain of it with patience, then he
will be one of those who fear Allah and are patient, “Verily, he who
fears Allah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil
deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then
surely, Allah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good doers) to be lost” [Yusuf 12:90]. End quote.

See also questions no. 20949 and 33702.
And Allah knows best.

N I C E !!!... bottom line is..there's no room for girlfriends and boyfriends in islam.it is totaly haram.i read in one of my collections in a small pamplet before. if im not mistaken the title is "muharramat" with a sub-title "some people take lightly.." the front cover is much more on maroon and dark brown, issued by darussalam saudi arabia. lot of things are there like shaving off the beard,wearing silk & gold for man. saying "ouff" to parents. woman a far distance without a mahram, mingling with non-muslim withought mentioning Allah's attention. slandering and backbiting. and a lot lot more.and believe me..some of these things really stil do exist and being practiced by muslims it self. with their slogan saying "we love nabi muhammad (s.a.w.)"..wallahi they love the dunya more than THE RASUL nabi muhammad (s.a.w.)..and yet they say they are a muslims..the main point here IS,its very hard to push people when they already know that it is haram. OR it is makruh beyond any doubt..but what we have to do is advice them,remind them..who knows that will be the key that can change them or on the other side who knows maybe inshaallah that may also be the key for us to step closer to jannah..a simple friendly noble reminder means bigtime.

jazakallahu khairan,
in-the-service-of-islam

Commodore Number of posts : 126 Registration date : 2008-10-08

Jazakallahu khairan for the reply...

in pag tunang tunang ha katuh normal na tuud...as in tot he extent na everybody sees it as a prerequisite to marriage astagfirullah.

Mahunit tuud mag explain ha mga tau maytah haram in pag tunang. Para kanilah basta kunuh uway da fitnah ( ihave no idea unu in definition nila sin fitnah) ok da kunuh mag tunang.

Unu in advice iban solution madihil natuh ha mga tau nag tutunang tunang?

i would appreciate everyone's participation....

magsukul!

wassalam

Subject: Re: If a girl loves a boy from a far Fri Mar 27, 2009 12:09 pm

Praise be to Allaah alone.

Allaah has given man in this world that which will help him to worship and obey Him as He has commanded. He has given him strength in himself and has created him in the best mould (al-Teen 95:4). Then He sent His Messengers to mankind to tell them the way to worship and obey Him, and He sent down His Books to mankind, and gave the ability to understand and learn.

The terms “tunang-tunang” or “BF & GF” are used frequently in discussions on the subject of male-female relations. Islam has detailed the relationship between men and women in the most precise and exacting terms. It has set down clear guidelines to show men and women how they must conduct themselves with one another. From all of this, there can be no question na in Islam pyaglangan in pagtunang.

You’re asking me about fitna?i think they already knew the meaning of it. But pretenders are everywhere, and its hard believe me sister wallahi its very hard to convince a person who knows what he or she is asking about..i don’t know what games they are playing where in fact they knew deep inside na in pagtunang-tunang haram tuud.but what to do?all I know is that once they are engage immoral relationship, they are already committing a fitna in our deen. Because non-muslim would think that it is ok in islam to engage ha pagtunang tunang. and they can also create fitna for our newly embraced muslim brothers and sisters in Islam, thinking that islam allows such silly things base on what they see or saw.thats why they should abstain from tunang-tunang,they should be ashamed of it and cut it off immediately. They are doing nothing but creating a false impression of Islam.

These filthy habits of jahiliya byah sayni cancer ha society natuh.i had to admit that lot of people nowadays are even proud of it. Dih na sila minsan masipug without a second thought having engage with it. Iban in much worst pa didtu even in mga parents isab byah pahil-pahil da isab in panghati about these issue and infact are even allowing it legally. Maytah yadtu? Its all because of jahiliya.. and the only key for ignorance is ilm. These is not the practice of Islam. It is simply imitating the kuffar like wat they see ha mga holywood films koreanovela, luv triangle, one-night-stand, break-ups, ha mga artista mga idol nila. Also having some chatmates, textmate, playmate, email-mates, coffee mate,katan na sin mate hinangun nila..Im preety sure sister muslimah you know what I mean. Kaingatan muna san you know mga “stereotypes”….maybe I guess following the footsteps of brad pitt & Angelina jolie.There are lot basis that in pagtunang-tunang is crystal clear that it is haram. The problem is that mahunit tuud magconvince ha mga tao kaingatan nila na that it’s haram.maybe perhaps they just love to waste their time to have bf and gf’s no matter what the consequences are. naa, tumtuma nyu the days are almost over and everything will be recorded accordingly. The fire, the fire.. the fire…think about it.

Subay natuh tumtumun that in pagtunang-tunang is indeed haram. And is nothing but a road to evil trap. Why?asubuhun ta kamu katan, what will happen if the opposite sex are alone together?are they going to talk about junay and pastil?wat dyu think ,tell me..its a big NO NO NO..common you know what I mean. don’t even think about it amuna sadtu..

I will conclude my advice for this topic by mentioning a few verses of the Qur’ân. Allah says: “don’t come near to adultery”. In this verse, Allah does not say “Do not commit adultery” but tells us not even to come close to it. This means that everything that may seduce a person to fall into adultery is unlawful.

Moreover, Allah says: “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them.” and says: “And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty.” [Sûrah al-Nûr: 30-31] This shows us how men and women are to conduct themselves.

Try to read some Q & A that I posted below. Inshaallah you can get some light out of it.

In the service of Islam,

ALI-ZIAD N.A. SALI

Subject: Re: If a girl loves a boy from a far Fri Mar 27, 2009 12:10 pm

Islam Questions & Answers
www.islam-qa.com

Question Reference Number:: 10254
Title: She is attracted to a young man at school and wants a solution

Home > Manners > Relationships between the two genders >
Question:

I am having a really big problem. I am extremely attracted to this guy at my school. I can't stop thinking about him. When I can sometimes control my feelings, I end up seeing him at school, and then the feelings come back. I know in my heart that these kind of actions are haram in Islam, but despite my efforts, I can't stop. I try to avoid him as much as possible. We hardly ever speak to each other, and if we do, it's just an exchange of salam. I don't know what to do, I want these feelings to stop. It's like shaitan just wins every time despite my efforts. I was wondering if there was some kind of a Dua'a or a prayer or something to stop myself. It's like the more I try to stop myself from committing this sin, the less I can keep control. This is the first time I have had such strong feelings for a guy, and it's very scary because it's not right. Please, help me.

Answer:
Bismillaah.
Feeling that the situation is dangerous is the most important step towards dealing with it. This feeling is present in your case, praise be to Allaah. Man will always need to strive against himself and give up sin. This is the wisdom of Allaah, so that the sincere and serious believer will be distinguished from others.

Among the most important means of ridding yourself of this problem are:

1. Generating love for Allaah through the prescribed means, such as pondering His Signs and blessings. This will keep you from loving anyone else.
2. Striving to avoid meeting this young man, or sitting with him or looking at him.
3. Stopping yourself from thinking about him, by keeping yourself busy with thoughts of useful things, both spiritual and worldly. Fast during Thursdays and Mondays will indeed help control your selves.
4. If you can marry him - if he is righteous - or someone else, this is the natural solution to many of these problems.

With regard to making du'aa', Allaah answers those who call upon Him and are sincere in their du'aa'. If you say any of the following du'aa's:
Allaahumma tahhir qalbi (O Allaah, purify my heart);
Yaa Muqallib al-quloob, thabbit qalbi 'ala taa'atika (O Controller of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in obedience to You);
Allaahumma iqsim li min khashiyatika ma tahoolu bihi bayni wa bayna ma'siyatika (O Allaah, give me a share of fear of You which will intervene between me and sin);
Allaahumma inni as'aluka al-hudaa wa'l-tuqaa wa'l-'afaaf wa'l-ghinaa (O Allaah, I ask You for guidance, piety, chastity and independence);
Allaahumma Faatir al-samawaati wa'l-ard, 'Aalim al-ghaybi wa'l-shahaadah, laa ilaaha ill anta, Rabba kulli shay'in wa Maleekahu, a'oodhu bika min sharri nafsi wa min sharr il-Shaytaan wa sharakihi, wa an aqtarif 'ala nafsi soo'an aw ajurrahu 'ala muslimin (O Allaah, Creator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the unseen and the seen, There is no god except You, Lord and Sovereign of all things. I seek refuge with You from the evil of my own self and from the evil and traps of the Shaytaan, and from committing any sin against my own self or bringing evil upon any Muslim)
- all of these are good du'aa's which were narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
(See Tarteeb Ahaadeeth Saheeh al-Jaami': Baab al 'Ad'iyah al-Ma'thoorah).
This must be accompanied by sincerity and persistence in making du'aa'. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

Commodore Number of posts : 126 Registration date : 2008-10-08

Jazakallahu kahiran kah for the very entertaining yet informative reply....i actually wrote a reply to this post yesterday...but in the end decided to delete it...hehehehe...change of mind alhamdulillah.

You’re asking me about fitna?i think they already knew the meaning of it

I agree with you on this brother. If someone wants to justify what they are doing...they can create sevaral excuses for it. And int hat case it becomes impossible to even talk tothem about this issue. SubhanAllah...i guess what we can only do is give a sincere reminder...amu da sab yadtuh in kya wajiban katuh...buku ka?

i had to admit that lot of people nowadays are
even proud of it. Dih na sila minsan masipug without a second thought
having engage with it. Iban in much worst pa didtu even in mga parents
isab byah pahil-pahil da isab in panghati about these issue and infact
are even allowing it legally.

I have to agree again. I am a meber of TN and if you see the forums...there are some brothers and sisters who are asking for help because they are trapped in a situation that they don;t know how to get out of. And the worst part is that some GURU in TN has justified the issue of elopement by giving a fatwa that it is halal to get married without a wali!

yaun na kah in mag dakup pasal awn kalasahan niya sah in parents niya dugaing in kabayaan pa banahun kanya...Correct in byaytah mu sin in parent awn fault. Kasi in mga batah lumaguh sila depende ha pag biat kanila sin maas nila. At the same time we see this happen a lot in our country...forced marriages! subhanAllah that is one thing really really not allowed in Islam....Really if everyone just knows how beutiful the concept of marriage in islam is...and how beutiful the process of getting married in Islam is...no one whould even think of taking on boyfriends and girlfriends...subhanAllah i have seen a lot of people get married for the sake of Allah...and their marriages are all happy...and the love that you see ...is well more than those who were in an illegal relationship. Allah;s way is the best way...nothign can compare. That is why when we ask Allah for a companion...a sheikh said it is better not to ask Allahf or a specific person rather it is bettes to ask Allah to give us someone of Allah's choice for us...and I think this is a beutiful advice...because subhaNAllah Allah knows us more than we know ourselves...Allah knows what's best for us...afterall he is the Allah our All knowing creator. I thought i;d just share this little advice to all of your here...because indeed this is one of the most beutiful adivce i have ever recieved in my life...alhamdulillah

It is simply imitating the kuffar like wat they
see ha mga holywood films koreanovela, luv triangle, one-night-stand,
break-ups, ha mga artista mga idol nila. Also having some chatmates,
textmate, playmate, email-mates, coffee mate,katan na sin mate hinangun
nila

Media!!! i have seen peole act like the charachters they see on TV...and i have heard of husbands asking their wives to imitate their favourite actresses...astagfirullah...it is sick but it is the reality of our society...young teenagers expect their love life to be liek what they see on TV...Zina is hip and cool and modesty is outdated...astagfirullah! I mean subhanAllah we are all comanded by our Allah to lower our gazes...both man and women...and that includes all the characters we see on TV...women are without hijab...and theya re also scantily clothed...shoudln't lowering the gaze apply here too? a lot of people ignore this subhanAllah...

asubuhun ta kamu katan, what will happen if the opposite sex are alone together?are they going to talk about junay and pastil

I think not! no way will it be about junaya nd pastil heheheh...and this reminds me of the Islamic boyfriends that sheikh salah mentioned. Some couples use Islam as a reason for them to be together...for example a woman might say: " I really love him because he reminds me of ALlah whenever we are together." hehehehehhe

I'll end it here isnahAllah....again jazakallah khairan....

wassalamu aliakum wa rahamatullahi wa barakatuhu...

aliziad_sali wrote:: Praise be to Allaah alone.

Allaah has given man in this world that which will help him to worship and obey Him as He has commanded. He has given him strength in himself and has created him in the best mould (al-Teen 95:4). Then He sent His Messengers to mankind to tell them the way to worship and obey Him, and He sent down His Books to mankind, and gave the ability to understand and learn.

The terms “tunang-tunang” or “BF & GF” are used frequently in discussions on the subject of male-female relations. Islam has detailed the relationship between men and women in the most precise and exacting terms. It has set down clear guidelines to show men and women how they must conduct themselves with one another. From all of this, there can be no question na in Islam pyaglangan in pagtunang.

You’re asking me about fitna?i think they already knew the meaning of it. But pretenders are everywhere, and its hard believe me sister wallahi its very hard to convince a person who knows what he or she is asking about..i don’t know what games they are playing where in fact they knew deep inside na in pagtunang-tunang haram tuud.but what to do?all I know is that once they are engage immoral relationship, they are already committing a fitna in our deen. Because non-muslim would think that it is ok in islam to engage ha pagtunang tunang. and they can also create fitna for our newly embraced muslim brothers and sisters in Islam, thinking that islam allows such silly things base on what they see or saw.thats why they should abstain from tunang-tunang,they should be ashamed of it and cut it off immediately. They are doing nothing but creating a false impression of Islam.

These filthy habits of jahiliya byah sayni cancer ha society natuh.i had to admit that lot of people nowadays are even proud of it. Dih na sila minsan masipug without a second thought having engage with it. Iban in much worst pa didtu even in mga parents isab byah pahil-pahil da isab in panghati about these issue and infact are even allowing it legally. Maytah yadtu? Its all because of jahiliya.. and the only key for ignorance is ilm. These is not the practice of Islam. It is simply imitating the kuffar like wat they see ha mga holywood films koreanovela, luv triangle, one-night-stand, break-ups, ha mga artista mga idol nila. Also having some chatmates, textmate, playmate, email-mates, coffee mate,katan na sin mate hinangun nila..Im preety sure sister muslimah you know what I mean. Kaingatan muna san you know mga “stereotypes”….maybe I guess following the footsteps of brad pitt & Angelina jolie.There are lot basis that in pagtunang-tunang is crystal clear that it is haram. The problem is that mahunit tuud magconvince ha mga tao kaingatan nila na that it’s haram.maybe perhaps they just love to waste their time to have bf and gf’s no matter what the consequences are. naa, tumtuma nyu the days are almost over and everything will be recorded accordingly. The fire, the fire.. the fire…think about it.

Subay natuh tumtumun that in pagtunang-tunang is indeed haram. And is nothing but a road to evil trap. Why?asubuhun ta kamu katan, what will happen if the opposite sex are alone together?are they going to talk about junay and pastil?wat dyu think ,tell me..its a big NO NO NO..common you know what I mean. don’t even think about it amuna sadtu..

I will conclude my advice for this topic by mentioning a few verses of the Qur’ân. Allah says: “don’t come near to adultery”. In this verse, Allah does not say “Do not commit adultery” but tells us not even to come close to it. This means that everything that may seduce a person to fall into adultery is unlawful.

Moreover, Allah says: “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them.” and says: “And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty.” [Sûrah al-Nûr: 30-31] This shows us how men and women are to conduct themselves.

Try to read some Q & A that I posted below. Inshaallah you can get some light out of it.

In the service of Islam,

ALI-ZIAD N.A. SALI